Seasons Spring
by jino turtlegod
Summary: Spring is the Season of Rebirth and two former Children begin to travel the path to adulthood.
1. Spring of Cherry Blossoms

A young man with dark brown hair sat under the cherry tree, the delicate pink blossoms fell around him in the soft Spring breeze. The collar of his white shirt was unbuttoned, his black coat a misshapen bundle beside him as he stared off into the distance. His ink-stained hands were folded delicately over each other on an open book on his lap.

A small cherry blossom petal fell from the tops of the tree and slowly rode down on the cushioning wind to finally rest on the young man's cheek as gently as a lover's kiss.

The young man blinked, his reverie broken by the small petal. He reached up and plucked the petal from his face and curiously looked at it as if he had never seen one before.

Then, with a slight, sad smile, the young man placed it on the book on his lap and carefully closed the book to trap the small memento of Spring between its white pages.

"It's Spring again..." the young man murmured as he once again stared off into nothing.

**Shin Seiki Evangelion - Seasons**

**Haru**** - Spring of Cherry Blossoms**

Neon Genesis Evangelion created by, registered, and copyrighted to GAINAX Project EVA, Movic, and any other company and/or division associated with the creation and/or production of Neon Genesis Evangelion. A.D.Vision holds the copyrights to the English version of Neon Genesis Evangelion. This work of fiction is not intended for any commercial purposes but was created for the entertainment of the Author and Fans of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

No copyright infringement was in any way intended.

Seasons written by Jino Turtlegod

M Rating. For mature readers only. Some scenes, themes, language, and situations are not suitable for younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.

HTML ver 10 APR 08

Ver 1 – 22 APR 08

**Haru**** - Spring of Cherry Blossoms**

I lay on my back under a cherry tree in a grove by the storm drain. The sounds of the school yard came from far away though it was really less than several dozen meters from where I was taking a rest. I listened half-heartedly to the music coming from the earbuds of my SDAT as I concentrated on keeping my mind blank of the fear and anticipation I feel. The state of No Mind as the Zen experts knew is a difficult thing to achieve for the uninitiated - especially a poor idiot like me.

"Oy! Iincho!!" The shout shattered whatever state of near harmony I was able to gather - pitiful as it was. I sat up as I heard my friend Kensuke made his way over the causeway across the storm drain. The sunlight sparkled of his glasses as he ran - embarrassing, the way he goes about like a kid in a candy shop. The girls seem to like it though. He had his camcorder bouncing on a strap against his hip. I suddenly felt the fear and anticipation I was trying to get rid off.

"Shinji-kun, here's your letter!" The boy said as he reached into his winter uniform's jacket. I felt my heart skip a beat. I can't let my excitement free, I had seen enough disappointment in my life to give way to baseless hope. I tried once more to free my mind of thought and to gain the elusive No Mind state.

Kensuke gave a grimace as he contemplatively slapped the stiff envelope against his palm. "Geez, Iincho! I run all the way here and the least you could do is to be a little more excited! Well! If that's the way you are, I might as just rip this apart and have you wait for them to post the list!"

I really like the way he can get a rise out of me. I really do. He blinks as he looks at his empty hands and then at me as I carefully undo the seal on the envelope. "I still can't get over how you can do that," he mutters but I just ignore him as I open the envelope. I could feel my heart beating, not really sure what to expect.

I slowly read the letter as Kensuke waited impatiently, almost bouncing from heel to heel.

I sigh as I methodically fold the letter and return it to the envelope.

"Well?!" Kensuke demanded with a whine. His fingers nervously tinkered with the controls of his camcorder, ready to capture my response for posterity.

I think I reached the No Mind state. Accidentally of course as my mind took a vacation due to sheer exhaustion. I feel that I disappointed my friend.

I picked up my stuff. "Ja matta, Ken-kun."

Fugue. I think that was the right word to describe my feelings - no, my state of mind at that moment. Ha! as if a stupid kid like me can ever find harmony.

000

I sat on a bar stool at Mii-Chan's in downtown Tokyo-2. Not the most happening place in Tokyo-2 but very popular to school kids - middle and high-schoolers in the day and college students at night. Mostly male. Why? Because of the owner/ proprietess. Trust me, she's one hot babe. Me? I just go here because I get a discount.

I watched as the bartender finished wiping a glass. Swish, swish, goes the soft rag as he jerks the glass in a clockwise motion as he held the rag still. Twenty times with military precision. The bartender finishes the glass, reverently puts it aside and gets another one. The cycle continues.

"So, you got the letter?" The bartender asks in a soft voice as he glances at me from under those long bangs of his.

"Yes." I whisper as if ashamed.

I think he took it the wrong way as I see him slip a shot of sake into my tea. "That bad, eh?"

I can't help but chuckle - though a bit lamely. I downed the glass in one gulp. Tea and sake don't really go well as say coffee and rum but it does have the effect of kicking you out of a fugue. You get this desire to go somewhere and scrub your tongue with a rock.

"Aoba-san, that was vile..." I mutter as I gesture for a glass of iced coffee.

"Well, it did perk you up," Aoba said as he got my order, I can see the bastard smirk in satisfaction. "No matter how bad things are you can always pick up the pieces." He had actually done that tea and sake mix to me several times before. He's right though.

The café's door chime rang and the spring chill entered the café. Without looking I knew who came in just by looking at the expectant faces of the boys and the disapproving glares of the girls. I wondered what she was wearing today.

I turn.

"Misa--," I gasped as I saw my guardian framed by the doorway. A light purple kimono printed with delicate cherry blossoms and cranes in flight. Her hair was down and a beautiful clip made in the image of a sprig of cherry blossoms tucked her hair behind one ear.

I was faintly aware of the clip-clop of her clogs as she glided towards me. I was shocked back to reality as she kissed my forehead, the slightly damp feel of her lipstick on my skin was pleasant. In my life I had rarely felt love. I was glad.

She cocked her head at me, still playing the coy, shy woman that I knew she always kept hidden within. "I heard from Kensuke-kun that you got your letter. He was a bit worried."

I took out the letter and handed it to her. I prepared myself for our discussion as she read the letter. Her eyes widened in surprise at the content. A smile crept on to her face. "That's my boy!" She yelled as she hugged me, I can feel her tears run down her face. Misato turned to the café's crowd which was still shocked at the kiss she had given me. "Sake for everyone! On the house! My Shin-chan's going to college!"

I felt hot as my face burned red in embarrassment. 'Shin-chan'! My God, I'll never live this down! She turned from the harried Aoba and the waitresses as they tried to serve the tide of well-wishers.

She smiled beatifically.

"Omoidatte."

000

I think I fell asleep as I took my bath. The alarm clock I've set was loud inside the echoing confines of the bathroom. I felt like a prune.

I hate this.

I don't know what to do. Misato told me to do whatever made me happy. What I really wanted her to do was to tell me what to do. I hate being responsible, being dependable. I guess this is the price of having a spine.

I dried myself and changed into my track pants and tank top. I hope the rice didn't burn.

I opened the door to the kitchen and froze.

She stood there, like a goddess in marble. Her pale white skin glowed in the light, her red hair like a mane of flame. I cannot see her eyes through the mirrored glasses she insists on wearing all the time. She wore a a drab grey jersey that was several sizes too big, the sleeves long enough to just bare her finger tips. Her hands held the confirmation letter from the college which I had left at my place on the table. I knew she couldn't resist picking it up. And she knew I knew. When you've lived with someone for such a long time, you get to understand them. It was all part of my plan of course. I just hope that it works.

"Tadaima," she said wearily as she folded the letter and sat down, waiting to be served.

"Okaeri, Asuka-chan," I felt a brief surge of pleasure as I saw her wince at the term of endearment. She was going to retort something fierce but held her peace. "Bad day at the Library?"

Unlike me, Asuka already has a college degree and works in the back room of the city library. A thankless, stressful job that she kept complaining about. I once made the mistake of suggesting she quit her job and try something else. I never brought it up again.

"Horrible," Asuka said as she turned away to wipe her eyes. She made sure her glasses were firmly in place before she faced me again. "We just got a new shipment of books and some idiot misplaced the manifest. And another bastard got caught selling the antique books in the Special Collections."

I made the necessary listening sounds as she complained about her work. I guess this is also part of my household duties. I served the vegetable stir-fry, beef stew, and rice.

"You're not listening," Asuka whined. This too was part of our ritual.

"So that pervert Ginta is still trying to pick you up, why don't you get a boyfriend. That should stop him from bothering you." Despite her glasses I knew she was glowering at me. Because of what I said or that because I was actually listening - I don't know.

I sat down during the uncomfortable silence and began to eat.

"So, congratulations on making Matsumoto," Asuka said as she nibbled on a stick of pickled radish.

"Thanks," I felt my face flush. I couldn't help it really. Being praised by Asuka makes me so happy. I guess it was one of the things I live for.

"But the commute's a killer," Asuka finished her stick and picked up another with her chopsticks. I can't remember when she started liking them.

"What? I didn't hear that," Asuka looked up at me and I suddenly realize that I had mumbled an answer.

"I'm moving to an apartment near the University."

I felt afraid as Asuka's pale face became even paler. Her hand began to shake and the pickle fell to the table.

"Well, uh, good luck then!" Her voice was filled with fake cheer and the pickle kept slipping as she tried to pick it up again. It hurt to see her like this, to hear her like this. "Uhm, geez, the place if gonna be a pig sty with you gone."

Why is she like this. Where's my fire devil? Why do I see a lost little girl? I want to reach out and hold her to me.

"Asuka," I felt my hand close upon her shaking hand. She froze. So did I as I recognize my mistake.

"Don't touch me!" Asuka screamed as she flung my hand away and she stood up in a rush.

I knew if I let her go now, I will lose her. I grabbed her jersey and heard a ripping noise. I can see her skin underneath the cloth; pale, white skin crisscrossed with raised pink scars. My eyes go wide. "Asuka..."

"No!" She screamed hysterically as she pulled away but I held on to her torn clothes, more of her scarred skin showed. In desperation Asuka struck, her body had not forgotten how to fight.

I go down, taking the table with me.

In the distance I could hear the door to her room bang close and the click of the lock.

I smiled ruefully at myself as I lay amongst the ruin of dinner.

Well, I just screwed up my plans.

I laughed bitterly as I straightened up the kitchen, which was also part of my household duties.

I did not notice the wound on my head till later.

Tsu Zu Ku

Author's Note:

After several false starts, finished playing Bishoujo games, and reading 'The Girl Who Played Go' by Shan Sa (an actual book, mind you) I once more venture into the world of fanfiction.

Short and bitter. Anyway, this is part one of one of two fics I've got in mind since writing Plotless (which by the way is still homeless, a site had been suggested but the admin refused to post it - BTW, I'm already working on parts 2 and 3 XD). Both fics were supposed to have been long lemons but since banned lemons I decided to nix the lemon idea and continue on with the plot - with a touch of lime but nothing that can get my butt in trouble.

The installments will be small, way below the ten-page minimum I've set for myself. I don't have the time and energy and I'm actually lucky to be able to do a page or two of writing per week.

Real life sucks (you can also blame Ragnarok Online, thankfully due to the immense lag on the servers I have time to actually finish writing this).

Ja Ne.

02.10.2004

Author's Note (edit 10 APR 08):

1. Plotless and its sequels will be posted at the other site I post to... when I get the chance to do so. RL issues... like Cabal Online.

2. Someone actually asked that I put in a glossary at the end for the Japanese words I used. My first thought was if you're browsing this, then you should already know them. But then again, I should be very thankful to all those fanfickers I read before who did put glossaries...

Iincho – class rep or class president. It is normal for a Japanese person to be referred to by his rank, position, title, or job.

Ja Matta – "See you later" or "Be seeing you"

Omoidatte – "Congratulation"

Tadaima – "I'm home."

Okaeri – "Welcome home."


	2. Red Flower

**Shin Seiki Evangelion - Seasons**

**Haru**** - Red Flower**

Neon Genesis Evangelion created by, registered, and copyrighted to GAINAX Project EVA, Movic, and any other company and/or division associated with the creation and/or production of Neon Genesis Evangelion. A.D.Vision holds the copyrights to the English version of Neon Genesis Evangelion. This work of fiction is not intended for any commercial purposes but was created for the entertainment of the Author and Fans of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

No copyright infringement was in any way intended.

Seasons written by Jino Turtlegod

M Rating. For mature readers only. Some scenes, themes, language, and situations are not suitable for younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.

HTML ver 10 APR 08

Ver 1 – 22 APR 08

**Haru**** - Red Flower**

I can feel the movement in the apartment in the back of mind. He was like a beacon calling out to me in a voice that compels an answer.

Yet I cannot respond.

I refuse to.

He deserves no answer from me.

I close my eyes as I follow him. I have known him for so long that I know what he is doing at each moment that he is near.

There he stands by the stove, his apron wrapped about his waist. A slight frown on his face as he contemplates the meal he cooks. There are exactly three portions of breakfast, and the same number for lunch. He never wastes food.

He carefully sets the table for breakfast, and prepares two boxed lunches. One portion of lunch he covers in shrink wrap and places it in the fridge for Misato.

He eats alone.

I can feel the sadness radiating from him yet I hold firm.

I shall not break. For nearly four years I've held firm. I refuse to give in.

Finally he finishes his breakfast and leaves.

I can't help but sigh in relief.

That boy is a temptation that I must resist.

000

I stand before the mirror and took account of myself.

I stand a couple of centimeters taller than him. Wet, my hair looks like offal rejected from the charnel house as it fell in stringy locks down my back. My skin is deathly pale from lack of sun, even whiter than that Doll's skin. I raise my hand and trace the crisscrossing lines of puckered pink flesh that started from my palm, goes up my arm, down my shoulders, to the base of my breast and under, to terminate in a scattered pattern across my belly. A jagged lightning strike separates from the main mass of scars and climbs the swell of my breast, the end joins the pink peak in a way that always brought a bitter smile to my lips. Broken china doll. A personal, morbid joke on my part.

And of course there were my eyes. My eyesight is perfect. Functionally, there's nothing wrong with my eyes. But they are the greatest mark of my downfall. One eye as blue as the morning sky, the other as gray as Death.

I shudder. I cannot look my reflection in the eye as I dry myself.

All my other clothes are in the laundry. I wear a black turtleneck sweater that I bought several years ago. It is tight against my body as I have grown a lot since I bought it. The same goes for the cream slacks that accentuated my narrow waist. For a moment I felt a sense of pride as I noted that covered up in tight clothes, my figure is still firm and slim. I squashed that thought.

I am ugly.

The outside must match the inside. I ruffle my hair for several minutes and smile at the effect as I watch my reflection. A red haired hag. For fun, I cackled a bit.

In the corner of my room I saw my torn jersey.

I remembered the struggle yesterday.

He tried to touch me.

I resisted.

The nerve of that boy! As if I'm a little girl to be consoled by the strong, invincible prince! As much as I hated the touch of others, his I loathed the most.

His touch makes me feel dirty.

I pick up the torn rugs and hug it to my face.

I will not cry.

I feel so dirty next to his pure light.

I cannot answer him as he deserves better than someone like me.

God. Finally he is leaving.

I can finally be free.

In the end, everybody leaves me.

I can feel wet streams run down my face. My hair is still wet. Yes, that's it.

It's water.

It can't be tears.

Because I refuse to cry.

Before I leave for work, I comb my hair and pin them back with black clips and settle my shades upon the bridge of my nose. I glance at the mirror one last time and a stranger looked back at me.

I know I am weak, but I think looking beautiful just this once won't hurt.

Tsu Zu Ku


	3. Train of Thought

**Shin Seiki Evangelion - Seasons**

**Haru**** - Train of Thought**

Neon Genesis Evangelion created by, registered, and copyrighted to GAINAX Project EVA, Movic, and any other company and/or division associated with the creation and/or production of Neon Genesis Evangelion. A.D.Vision holds the copyrights to the English version of Neon Genesis Evangelion. This work of fiction is not intended for any commercial purposes but was created for the entertainment of the Author and Fans of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

No copyright infringement was in any way intended.

Seasons written by Jino Turtlegod

M Rating. For mature readers only. Some scenes, themes, language, and situations are not suitable for younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.

HTML ver 10 APR 08

Ver 1 – 22 APR 08

**Haru**** - Train of Thought**

I swept the dining table with a glance, making sure that everything was in place before I left for school. I checked each piece of china and cutlery on the table, made sure the stove was off, checked that every cabinet and drawer was sealed, and that the faucet did not drip.

Eerily, as I gazed upon that which I consider my domain in turn I felt like someone was staring at me, watching my every move - a ghostly whisper in the back of my consciousness.

It's a familiar sensation that I can't place.

I decide to ignore it.

Satisfied that everything is as should be, I made my way to the foyer, put on my shoes and locked the door behind me as I went.

000

As I walked to the train station I savored the cool Spring breeze, so unlike the sun warmed winds that I have grown up with. I guess, the only way people know that it's Spring is because it's a bit cooler and the cherry trees are in bloom. Spring is actually getting colder and colder with each passing year. They say that the Earth was starting to become normal again and that maybe we would have snow sometime in the next ten years or so.

It would probably nice to have snow. Not that I've ever experienced snow, mind you. But traditionally, Winter is considered an ending, the clean slate before the rebirth of Spring.

I think I'll like that.

An end to the eternal summer, the summer of pain and loneliness.

I came to the train stop and waited for the familiar warning chimes as the train approached.

000

I stood by the train's doorway, my forehead against the cool glass of the door's window.

The buildings flashed by accompanied by the comfortingly familiar hum of the train. Tokyo-2. It did not feel like home. It was familiar but not welcoming. I felt like when I was a child in my uncle's place. A stranger in somebody else's home.

I resist the urge to turn and gaze at the mountains in the distance, where the only place I can remember as 'Home' lay burnt and buried.

Buried by my own hands.

I laugh a bit. A bit of bitter laughter. I noticed the nervous shifting of the other commuters. Last week a highschool senior had gone berserk after finding out he did not pass the entrance exam for the college his parents wanted. Several people got hurt.

People are pathetic as my Dad said.

I decide to remain silent until my stop.

I did not notice until my hand had gone to the bandage on my forehead. I was a bit surprised at the fibrous texture and the sharp pain as a touched the covered wound.

I closed my eyes and waited and prayed.

I want an end to the pain that is my life.

But...

I'm a coward.

Countless times I had thought of slicing open the pulsing veins in wrist, of throwing myself before the incoming train, or of even jumping out of my room's window more than a hundred meters above the streets.

But I keep telling myself I should be strong. Not only for myself but also for Her.

All I was doing was fooling myself. Using others as an excuse. After all the pain I took to gain the strength to stand on my own two feet I am back to clutching onto others.

A full circle of pain.

000

I did not notice that I am standing before my classroom's door. I've walked all the way from the train station to my classroom in a daze, I had even changed shoes without my notice. I grin wryly at the fact that I had not gotten run over on the way.

I open the classroom door and froze as I see Kensuke sitting on top of a desk by the windows. He is looking outwards, his camcorder held to his eyes as he took a shot of the students walking into the school. When we were younger I just thought of his hobby as just a pastime. Then he won second prize in a video composition contest. I was stunned and he berated himself for the amateurish feel of his entry - a short sequence of life in forgotten Tokyo-3, something that made me want to cry at the memories I kept buried.

I know better than to disturb him during a shot. For some reason he rarely gets angry at me though the way he sulks makes me feel very guilty. He is my closest friend.

I wait patiently and as silently as a mouse - I tried to be a forgotten piece of background scenery - something that I'm very good at Asuka had once commented bitingly.

Heartbeats, moments, or minutes later I do not know for how long, but time passed and Kensuke finally lowered his camcorder. A satisfied grin on his face told me he got the shot he wanted. I smiled, if he's happy I cannot help but be happy for him - isn't that how friendship works?

He finally noticed me and the smile and the greeting he was going to give me died in a horrified expression. "What the Hell happened?" he cried out as he scrambled to his feet.

"Nothing... It's nothing," I reply as I raise my hand to ward him off. He looked disapprovingly at me and I avert my eyes not wanting to see that disappointed expression on his face.

He snorted disgustedly. There were no need for words. As I knew him, he knew me. Any disparaging words at Her would incur my anger. Like a sullen child, he murmured, "So this was her answer?"

With shock I felt the tears come to my eyes. Kensuke had known! He knew I was going to ask her! But was this an answer? I had been unable to ask the question... and yet Asuka also knew me, even more than Kensuke thought he knew me. Did I even had to ask the question for her to answer? I force the tears back, Asuka hated crying as it was a sign of weakness, and she especially hated it when I did the crying.

Kensuke sighed as he tried to let go of his anger, yet he still had a frown as he finally looked at me. "Let's go flower watching."

It was not an invitation or even a suggestion.

Another thing my Dad told me; when you want something really bad enough, you must have the strength to take it. You cannot expect someone to just give it to you, you must make it so. With a laugh I nodded my head and wiped the tears away with a finger.

I want an end to my sadness.

Tsu Zu Ku


	4. Requiem

**Shin Seiki Evangelion - Seasons**

**Haru**** – Requiem**

Neon Genesis Evangelion created by, registered, and copyrighted to GAINAX Project EVA, Movic, and any other company and/or division associated with the creation and/or production of Neon Genesis Evangelion. A.D.Vision holds the copyrights to the English version of Neon Genesis Evangelion. This work of fiction is not intended for any commercial purposes but was created for the entertainment of the Author and Fans of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

No copyright infringement was in any way intended.

Seasons written by Jino Turtlegod

M Rating. For mature readers only. Some scenes, themes, language, and situations are not suitable for younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.

HTML ver 10 APR 08

Ver 1 – 22 APR 08

**Haru**** - Requiem**

"Hai...Hai... Hai..." I mutter into the phone that I have wedged between the crook of my neck and my cheek as I double check the inventory list that someone apparently coded in one of the lost languages. I sound just like Shinji, agreeing to something because I don't want to argue. I don't really want to agree in the first place anyway. I prefer not to have this conversation at all. She's groggy and I'm busy.

"Hai..." I almost jump out of my skin as she laughs out loud.

"Really Asuka-chan, either pay attention or just tell me 'No'," Misato said in between snickers.

I frowned at the phone and despite my better judgement, I ask: "What was the last thing you said?"

In between her laughter I was able to piece together a question regarding the sexual relationship I have with Shinji. I color at that wanton woman's vulgarity. "Will that be all?" I ask through gritted teeth as I start fantasizing about strangling the raven haired harlot - legal guardian or not, there are limits to my patience.

I hear the Bitch sigh, the tell-tale gurgle of a laugh suppressed. "Yes, that's all Asuka-chan, see you later then! Remember, the Flower Watching starts at Six! Bye!"

I put the phone back into its cradle. I love her, I really do. She's like an older sister to me but there are times that she hits me with something that makes me doubt that she did it out of innocent teasing.

Flower Watching. Before moving here I always thought that it meant going to the park and watching cherry blossoms fall while in the company of close friends. And then the reality of Post-Second Impact hits you. It just a series of society approved Single's Nights. For lonely people to meet other lonely people and probably start something. Misato even rents a karaoke machine for the event. If you're lucky you won't even have to see a single flower fall.

I actually believe that the whole festival is being kept alive to bolster the falling birth rate. Lonely people and sake flowing like water... the equation is quite predictable.

I even entertain thoughts of not showing up.

But...

He's going. There's no way that he can turn Misato down. I don't think he even knows that he's one of the main attractions. Misato can always get him to sing a song for the night and then watch girls and even some women strike up a conversation. For some reason I never felt threatened when women strike up a conversation with Shinji. It's the girls that worry me.

I frown at the computer screen and at the jumble of rice kernel characters. More than four years in this God-forsaken country and I still cannot read katakana.

After several minutes of trying to read, I sigh and decide that I need a break. Making my escape from the small broom closet that I work in I wonder for the nth time what was I thinking hitting him - that is, Shinji Ikari - of course I was upset but leaving each other in a bad way was probably the worst thing that could happen. For years I've loved him. I know that. He knows that... God, I pray that he knows that. Yet, though I love him I cannot make him a part of me. I cannot and must not put my own selfish needs before his. That is the least I can do to repay him.

I buy a can of tea at a vending machine and walk out to one of the benches under the numerous cherry trees surrounding the Library. I gaze in wonderment at the light pink haze of delicate flowers. I feel content... well, almost content. With a frown I pop my can.

A shadow falls over me. I cringe, expecting the Section Chief coming to comfort a vulnerable young office lady - me that is- and comfort defined in the loosest sense of the word. I was surprised to three highschool students standing before me. Girls with a mission by the way they looked. I glance at the leader, a confident, saucy looking girl with short shoulder length hair. My eyes go over her features, she carries herself with the air of a fighter but by the soft lines of her body the most she can probably do is air boxing. It took some will not to raise my eyebrow when I saw the insignia of Shinji's school on their vests.

Ah! I see... I wait for the expected declaration.

"You're Soryu Asuka Langley," the girl spat my name out. At that, I did raise my eyebrow. These girls are so predictable.

"Which one?" I ask before taking a sip from my tea.

"Wha-?!" There was a bit of confusion. They thought that since there were three of them I would feel overwhelmed. They thought that since they loomed over me as I sat, they had an advantage. I almost felt pity for these children.

"Which one of you have feelings for my roommate?" I see them flinch and look at each other in surprise. They don't seem to know that they are not the first group to approach me. They're all the same though. "You're basically here to bully me to keep away from him because one of you likes him. Aren't you. With me out of the picture you think you can spend more time with him and wriggle your way into a relationship." I look at the shy, mousy little girl behind the leader. She cringed as I look at her. So. "Have you told him?"

The mouse shook her head.

"He hates gutless people, they remind him too much of what he is." I drain my can as they chew on what I just told them. I saw the hard glint in the bully girl's eyes as her hands closed into fists, most protector figures are always concerned when their wards have been slighted. Yet this girl seems to want to fight me instead of protect the Mouse - so, she also likes him but in the name of friendship she had stepped aside.

"Kei," the third girl said soothingly to the bully girl. I look at the girl, short auburn hair pinned back with clips. Unlike her friend Kei, this girl oozed dignity from her pores. Ojosama. Young mistress - daughter to some rich, snob of a family.

Bully, Mouse, and Princess. I can hardly be bothered with this.

"If you haven't told him, then stop wasting my time. If you can take him, then do so. He deserves someone who has the will and the ability to take his heart. Until someone does that then he's mine!" I snarled at the children. I know this to be true. As long as no one takes him, as long as he doesn't give his heart away, he is mine.

Mine!

But like a ton of bricks it hits me. I remember all that had happened the night before. The fight. Shinji moving out. Me hitting him. The blood I found on the sleeve of my jersey. All the other times I had felt secure because Shinji was close to me. We had been in stasis. We were more than friends, but less than lovers. And I am so afraid that I had broken the stasis, I had done something to push him away. And I realize that he is a ripe fruit for the taking. If any of these girls had tried to take him I knew I would lose him...

I can't believe this! I'm scared!

I stand up and the trio step back fearfully as I draw myself to my full height. Shinji had inherited his father's height and towered above these girls except probably the Bully. I'm just a bit taller than he is.

I brush past the girls. If one spoke, if one moved, I knew I'll hurt them. I felt fear like a tight knot in my belly. I want to throw up.

Outwardly I'm an unshakable behemoth to those kids – the Fire Demon of old. But inside I felt like jelly. Once in the safety of my office, I crumbled into my chair and hugged myself.

I swear I did not cry.

Tsu Zu Ku


	5. Filtered View

**Shin Seiki Evangelion - Seasons**

**Haru**** - Filtered View**

Neon Genesis Evangelion created by, registered, and copyrighted to GAINAX Project EVA, Movic, and any other company and/or division associated with the creation and/or production of Neon Genesis Evangelion. A.D.Vision holds the copyrights to the English version of Neon Genesis Evangelion. This work of fiction is not intended for any commercial purposes but was created for the entertainment of the Author and Fans of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

No copyright infringement was in any way intended.

Seasons written by Jino Turtlegod

M Rating. For mature readers only. Some scenes, themes, language, and situations are not suitable for younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.

HTML ver 10 APR 08

Ver 1 – 22 APR 08

**Haru**** - Filtered View**

"Aida-Sempai!"

We both stopped and turned, a puzzled look on Ken-kun's face as we saw the pretty girl walking purposely towards us. She walked with a self confident, almost gliding motion. I know her, Aoki Kurumi - the heiress of the Aoki Heavy Industry Group. But mostly I know her from the Student Council as we are both Class Representatives. She may act prim and proper but she is also very persuasive and gets whatever she wants.

"Ikari-Iincho..." Aoki-Iincho's trailed off as she noticed the bandage on my head. For some odd reason, I felt gratified as she lost her composure a bit. Then the hesitation passed - "Please pardon my intrusion but I would like to discuss some matter with Aida-Sempai."

"No bother," I smiled at her. If she wants to 'discuss matters' with Ken-kun there's nothing I can do but be happy for my friend - I'm a bit worried that he is a bit too obsessed with that camera of his.  Personally, I think the guy's dense when it comes to girls.

As I turn to leave, Ken-kun lightly touched my wrist.

"Don't you go running away..."

I look into his caramel hued eyes. "I won't. It's about time for me to move on with my life."

He smiled, relief in his eyes as I felt his fingertips leave my skin.

We parted company for the moment.

000

I finished some paperwork in the Council Room as I waited for Ken-kun. Thankfully most of the preparations for the Graduation Ceremony next week are already finished. All I need is to close up my record book.

With some fondness I run my fingers over the plastic top of my portable.

High School life is the best... or so the old people say. I wouldn't know about that as I feel that I've barely even begun to live.

But I do have to admit that I had some fun.

It was enjoyable to explore my own personality, my own drive to become my own person - the fight against the dark tide of depression and self loathing that I had lived in since my mother's death.

I like stretching out my wings and finding my limitations. I've been complimented for my cooking. I've learned to sing. I've gotten better at dancing. Consistently in the top ten ranking. I've even tried mastering the cello on my own to limited success.

I lean back and enjoy the silence of the empty Council room. The ceiling is a familiar one. I put on the earbuds for my SDAT and listen to the pure harmony of Classical music. It is these small pleasures that make life bearable.

I hear the door slide open.

I turn to look at the door and saw a younger girl standing uncertainly in the threshold. She had a fragile and vulnerable air about her - someone who can call out to the maternal instinct in others.

I smile kindly at her, "Hello, Imai-san. Aoki-iincho isn't here yet."

"Y-you know my name?" the girl asked incredulously.

"Yes. You're one of Aoki-san's friends right?" I did not add that that was the only reason I knew of her. One of the things I've learned early was that one must always be careful of the words one say. Whoever believes that words can never hurt them must be a fool or friendless.

The girl nods and falls silent. Oddly enough, she seemed happy.

Moments pass.

She stood at the threshold while I sat by the window. Neither of us moved. It felt as if life passed by, continuing on its existence while we were frozen in a time capsule of contemplation.

I hate moments like that - pauses of indecision annoy me. They remind me too much of how I used to be.

I smile, hiding my annoyance before the girl misunderstands and thinks I'm annoyed at her. "Imai-san, sit down while we wait for them."

"Um, yeah. Thanks." She bowed before entering.

"So, are you girls going out flower watching later?" I ask as she sat down opposite me.

"Um, no..." the girl trailed off again into silence while I watched her. The sunlight glanced off her large glasses, making her eyes disappear in the glare. Her mousy brown hair was caught by a slight breeze and she tried in vain to keep it in place with one hand.

"Ken-kun and I are going flower watching later, why don't you girls meet us?"

She sat up straight as if shocked. And then a happy smile lit up her face. I do have to admit that she is very pretty when she smiles.

It was only a bit later that I realized that for the first time in my life I've asked a girl to go out.

We were ironing out the details - or rather I talked while she listened - when the door slid open and Ken-kun entered, his head bowed and his eyes covered by his eyes and lost in the glare of sunlight caught in his glasses. Imai-san and I became quiet as we noticed the red mark on Ken-kun's face.

"Ikari-sempai..." Imai-san's voice trembled.

Imai-san looked lost and crushed as she realized what the mark on Ken-kun's face meant.

"Don't worry Imai-chan, we're still going flower watching later," Ken-kun said as he kept the door opened. "We'll see you later."

"Hai." Imai-san bowed as she left. Ken-kun and I watched as the door closed behind Imai-san and then waited as her footsteps faded away into the distance. I walked over to the first aid kit while Ken-kun slumped down into one of the chairs.

How did he know I had invited Imai-san and her friends to the flower watching? I feel a frown on my face as my fingers stopped on the latch for the medicine cabinet.

"We got set-upped." We said in unison. I can't help but smile and yet...

"It's not fair, you know," Ken-kun said as I applied some iodine on his face where Aoki-san's slap had cut him. It seemed that Aoki-san can really pack a wallop. He grinned at me. "You get all the girls!"

I grin back at him. And yet there was a flash of regret and bitterness in his eyes.

"But why did she slap you?" I ask as I put a band-aid on him.

He paused as he thought. And then he smiled. "Because I told her that I've already set my heart on something! She does not appreciate it when people don't fall for her charms!"

I smiled as I nodded.

He knew I knew he was lying.

But even friends need to lie to each other sometimes.

Tsu Zu Ku

Sempai – Senior or Upper Classman


	6. Asuka

**Shin Seiki Evangelion - Seasons**

**Haru**** – Asuka**

Neon Genesis Evangelion created by, registered, and copyrighted to GAINAX Project EVA, Movic, and any other company and/or division associated with the creation and/or production of Neon Genesis Evangelion. A.D.Vision holds the copyrights to the English version of Neon Genesis Evangelion. This work of fiction is not intended for any commercial purposes but was created for the entertainment of the Author and Fans of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

No copyright infringement was in any way intended.

Seasons written by Jino Turtlegod

M Rating. For mature readers only. Some scenes, themes, language, and situations are not suitable for younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.

HTML ver 10 APR 08

Ver 1 – 22 APR 08

**Haru**** – Asuka**

It was raining then.

The sky was gray as the Heavens cried. Sometimes I would think that they were crying for me. But in my heart of hearts I knew that was not the case. The Angels were crying, but not for me.

"I hate you."

Words. Words can hurt people. I know this. There are words that people say that they wish they never said out loud.

These words were mine.

And I can never take them back.

The sky was awash in sunset colors- pink, orange, purple. The clouds were light and feathery. No chance of rain then. No possibility of respite from the coming confrontation. And I know there will be a confrontation. Because I know that no matter how much I want to run away, I cannot.

"Soryu-san?"

I turn to the woman beside me. She is older than I am, and yet she is younger. I guess that age is a matter of experience rather than life span.

"Sorry, Miyazawa-san. I have a previous engagement," I felt a bit sorry for her. The whole staff had been invited for a section drinking session. This was of course a trial for the women who are unattached and are not in the market for companionship. Basically just me and Miyazawa in our section. She is too absorbed in the books, and I have other personal matters to bother with. We have formed a sort of alliance to fend off unwanted attention and I feel bad about abandoning her.

"Here," I hand her one of Misato's coupons. "If you can't handle it anymore just tell them you're meeting someone."

Miyazawa blushed as she recognized the name of the bar. It was rather famous, or rather notorious in some circles. I just smiled.

"Later."

"Thank you, Asuka-chan."

And for the first time today, I feel better.

000

I walk through the park, enjoying the slight chill and the festive mood in the air as people celebrate in the traditional way. Packed meals and blankets spread under the trees. Drinks flowing and portable karaoke machines blaring. A pink haze as the streetlights filter through the cherry blossoms.

I try not to think of Shinji. I'll cross that bridge when I get there, for the moment I would like to enjoy the walk through the park.

And then, he's there in the back of my mind as my link flared. Like a dog who senses its master. I turn and see him walking beside Aida-kun. They were whispering and I can't help but envy how close they were. Aida - he's Shinji's bestfriend - a role in Shinji's life that I wanted for myself, as the other role I desired could not be fulfilled.

A moment of indecision. And then I was following them, a sea of people between us.

I wanted to walk with him, even if I can't be his bestfriend or lover. I wonder if he was still in pain. I wonder...

I felt the icy stab of pain as they greeted a group of girls - the three girls from earlier. The mouse who wanted him looked up at him in expectation, her joy evident. He even smiled at her.

My God, what have I done.

000

I had no idea how long I wandered, but it was already night when I stepped into Mi-chan's.

"Irrashaimasse," Shigeru greeted as I entered. He froze as he noticed the difference in my outfit. Instead of my usual baggy clothing, I had worn something that accented my figure. I remembered that there was a time that I would be pleased with myself at stopping a grown man cold in his tracks. Now it was just a bit of irritation.

"Good evening, Barkeep," I say with a bit of false cheer. Shigeru's not really a friend, but our shared history does make him closer than an ordinary acquaintance. Without any word he mixes up something and puts it in front of me. I know better than to ask what it is.

The bar was noisy as per usual for this time of night. Almost every time that I am here I can lose myself in the noise of humanity, but today was one of those exceptions. It's like having a lump in a soft bed. No matter how comfortable you are with the rest of the bed, there's that lump that sours the whole thing.

He's there in the back of my mind once more. I couldn't decipher the complex emotions vibrating across the link, so giving in to the urge, I look back and saw his smiling face.

It hurts.

I know I'm supposed to be happy to see him happy but it hurts. My heart feels like it's being squeezed as I see him speaking to that girl. I feel like a jilted lover. And in a way I know I am.

'If you can take him, then do so' - more words that I wish I can take back.

I look away and stare at the bottom of my glass. Out of sight out of mind. Except that with him, it doesn't work, what with my link to him. At this distance he is a constant whisper, a ghost breathing down my neck. He is like a beacon in the dark. His presence a pulsating warmth in the back of my awareness.

"What's a pretty lady like you doing in a place like this?" someone said in a lazy drawl beside me.

I turn a lazy eye, full of malice at the speaker. I guess I should have lashed out, but that is not how a proper lady acts. "I didn't know you swing that way."

An embarrassed laugh as Misato stuck her tongue out at me. "Asuka-chan's no fun," she muttered as she sat down on the barstool. Even with the bar crowded, the seats beside me were free - most people knew not to bother the cold-hearted red devil. Except of course for the ditzy owner of the bar.

"So." she said as she meaningfully eyed the group at the corner.

"So." I reply, adamantly ignoring the same group.

From the corner of my eye I can see, Misato frown at me. "Asuka..."

"I don't want to talk about it." I think this woman understands me better than I thought.

She gives a snort of annoyance. "And when do you want to talk about it? After that girl gets him! It's so fucking obvious that you're so in love with him that it's a bit confusing to everyone why you two don't hitch up!"

"That ain't so," I stammer out. I gulp down some of my drink so that I don't have to look at her. I feel it burn its way down to my gut, scorching my heart in the way.

"Shigeru-kun! Come here for a moment!" Misato called to the bartender

"Yes, Major?" Shigeru asked as he stood at parade rest opposite us behind the bar. I guess old habits do die hard.

"Is it or is it not obvious that Asuka loves Shinji?"

Yes, Bitch, announce it to the world, why don't you? Thank God that the bar was noisy enough to hinder people from eavesdropping.

I look at Shigeru-san's poker face. He did not respond immediately but he did start to lose his composure.

"You don't need to answer that Shigeru-san," I choked out.

"Thank you, Asuka-chan," Shigeru's relief was palpable as his shoulders sagged. Her glass couldn't hide Misato's satisfied smirk.

I chewed on my lower lip a bit. "Is it really that obvious?"

"Well, not really," Shigeru said as he absentmindedly began polishing the bar's surface - one of the nervous tics he picked up over the years. "It's just that we've known you two for a long time. I think everyone was sort of expecting it especially since you were living together. It would've been unnatural with the time you spent with each other."

"And whose fault was that?" I said as I glare at Misato

"You could always move out you know," Misato sing-songed.

Once more the self-satisfied smirk as I remained silent. I knew I could probably slap that smile of her face.

Shigeru broke the tense silence. "Asuka-chan, Shinji-kun's a bit confused right now, I don't think he knows what to feel. What with changing schools and all, being removed from that comfortable routine of his and moving to a new environment. And your relationship had always been of the love-hate kind and... Er..."

I look up at Shigeru as he faltered and then he gave up and concentrated on polishing the bar.

"What!" I asked in a bit of panic.

"You hit him." Misato coolly replied, a bit of anger and disappointment in her voice. Shinji had already removed his bandage but there was a bit of discoloration where the wound was.

That also hurt me.

I look at the corner, the laughter of the group inexplicably cutting me to the core.

"Asuka," Misato laid her hands on mine, her voice the most gentle I've heard. "If you don't make it clear to him, you'll lose him."

I want to tell her that I don't want to keep him, that I want to be free of him, or rather I want him to be free of me. But I knew that Misato would not understand. But I'm also scared that she knows what I really want.

I bit my lips till I could feel the copper tang of blood. Then with a flash of inspiration, I stood up and walked to the karaoke machine as soon as the last singer finished crooning.

With a bright smile I looked at the audience.

"Konbanwa."

Tsu Zu Ku

Irrashaimasse – "Welcome" – connotes "Welcome dear customer". Almost reflexive to all service industry employees.

Konbanwa – "Good evening"


	7. Shinji

**Shin Seiki Evangelion - Seasons**

**Haru**** – Shinji**

Neon Genesis Evangelion created by, registered, and copyrighted to GAINAX Project EVA, Movic, and any other company and/or division associated with the creation and/or production of Neon Genesis Evangelion. A.D.Vision holds the copyrights to the English version of Neon Genesis Evangelion. This work of fiction is not intended for any commercial purposes but was created for the entertainment of the Author and Fans of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

No copyright infringement was in any way intended.

Seasons written by Jino Turtlegod

M Rating. For mature readers only. Some scenes, themes, language, and situations are not suitable for younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.

HTML ver 10 APR 08

Ver 1 – 22 APR 08

**Haru**** - Shinji**

"You're not running away?" Ken-kun asked as we walked towards the park.

I shook my head, a slight smile on my face. It's been a long time since I felt so light on my feet.

"There they are," Ken-kun said as he spotted the girls. Aoki-iincho, Imai-san, and their friend Madoka-san who seemed a bit embarrassed not to have a third boy in the group.

"Think of it as a group date," Ken-kun said with his usual wit as we walked towards Mi-chan's. I tried to pay attention as Ken-kun chatted up Madoka and for some reason he seemed to be riling up Aoki-iincho.

I noticed Imai-san looking at me, a shy smile on her lips and I can't help but smile back. "Are they too noisy?"

"No, it's sort of normal for them," Imai-san replied.

"But you seem to be the quiet one."

She laughed lightly but otherwise remained silent.

"Yes, Keiko-chan's not really used to speaking to people," Madoka-san replied as she put her arms around Imai-san's shoulders. "Sorry, to intrude but Kumi-chan and Aida-sempai are starting to get on each other's nerves over there."

We all looked towards the front where Aoki-iincho and Ken-kun were almost shouting at each other. Again, I'm a bit surprised that Aoki-iincho was publicly displaying her belligerent side instead of her princess mode. I'm actually a bit worried that she'll deck Ken-kun. She reminds me of how Asuka used to be. Asuka also used to have two sides that she showed - one as the genius pilot, charming good girl; the other as the passionate, often acerbic red demon. Now she only has one - the moody, jaded young woman.

I felt a pang of yearning for those bygone days. Strange, but true. I think we were more alive back then, but were unable to appreciate it.

I look at Imai-san, no, Keiko-san with a feeling of guilt. Here I am with her but my thoughts are of another.

"Well, here we are," Ken-kun announced as we stopped in front of Mi-chan's.

"Here?" Aoki-iincho asked skeptically.

"What's wrong with this place?" Ken-kun asked innocently.

"The place's for adults," Aoki-iincho replied, wrinkling her nose for emphasis as if the word 'adult' was a disgusting word.

"What do you mean?" Ken-kun probed, and I knew that he was baiting her.

"I mean it's a single's bar," Aoki-iincho exclaimed with annoyance. "You know, where people go to get to... 'Know' people."

"Ah, you mean where people pick up dates," Ken-kun said as he looked at the sign as if he just noticed it. I do have to say that for years the pink neon kokuneko, the beckoning cat, was just a regular sign to me, picked out by Misato for no particular reason. Now as I watched it waving its paw, I finally understood why Misato chose it. She's the naughty type.

"Yes," Ken-kun continued, "I do believe that such a place is beneath our ojosama." Aoki-iincho visibly bristled. Ken-kun turned to me as Aoki-iincho began to open her mouth to retort. "Shinji-kun, you'll have to go in and tell the Major that we'll have to go to another place. We don't want to risk someone seeing Aoki-ojosama and spreading nasty rumors about her low habits."

Everyone looked at me as the meaning of Ken-kun's words began to sink in.

I looked at Ken-kun, wondering why he was getting on Aoki-iincho's case. But he does know that I will almost always be on his side.

"Well, I guess I can ask Misato, if I can miss it this year," I said with just the right amount of dejection. Acting was something I learned from Asuka - specifically, it was a skill I picked up so as not to get Asuka mad at me. I think I'm rather good at it by the strained look on Aoki-ojosama's face.

I really have to commend Aoki-iincho as she immediately went into princess mode before pushing the door open. Madoka-san and Keiko-san followed their friend. Ken-kun grinned at me over Keiko-san's head. One of these days I really have to get him to tell me what that was all about.

"Irashaimasse," Misato greeted at the door. If I didn't know her, I would've never had noticed the slight show of surprise as she noticed that the girls were with Ken-kun and I. "Oh my," she said, a grin on her face as she looked at us appraisingly. "My boys are growing up." She even wiped at mock tears from the corner of her eye.

"Very funny, Misato," I said as I bowed to her. "Aoki Kurumi-san, Imai Keiko-san, Madoka Kei-san, this is my guardian and owner of Mi-chan's, Katsuragi Misato."

Misato chatted a bit with the girls and I can see them being impressed by Misato's regal air. Tonight she was wearing a red kimono with white cranes, her long raven hair done up and held in place by lacquered wooden hairpins. I love the way that Misato smiles, the way that she can be so carefree at a moment's notice - and unlike Asuka or Kurumi-san, she is not acting happy. It's as if she has this deep reservoir of happiness that she can draw from. She looked at me, her eyes suddenly searching.

"Ken-kun, I've reserved the usual table for you guys, I'll just take Lover-boy over here for bit," Misato apologized to the girls as she had Ken-kun lead them to the table as she pulled me over into her office.

"Shinji, what happened?" Misato asked as she used her fingers brushed my hair away from my forehead. I gasped as she probed at where I had hurt myself. I heal fast and the wound had already closed, leaving only a bruise around the broken skin. It still hurts like hell though.

"You've got sharp eyes you know," I joked as I pulled away from her. "I fell."

"Don't lie to me," Misato hissed.

"I'm not." Technically I'm not. Crashing into a table can be considered as falling.

Misato glared at me. "I was hoping you and Asuka would've come together."

"Well, you know Asuka," I replied lamely.

"Yes, I do," Misato said as she looked at my forehead again. "Shinji, have you given up on her?"

I felt a chill run down my back. I froze, unable to move as Misato pulled me into her arms. Soft, warm, and scented with lavender. Before I know it my arms were around Misato's waist and my face pressed against her shoulder, my body wracked by sobs. I don't know how long I cried, I just hope that I did not bawl like a baby. All the while, Misato just held me, her hand caressing my back in a comforting manner.

Even after I've finished crying, I just held onto her, savoring the feeling of comfort. I felt sick at being so dependent and weak. I've wanted to be independent and strong - someone Asuka will respect - and yet again I have failed.

"How long have you known?" I finally ask.

"I had a feeling that you were beginning to like her after those days that you spent trying to dance with each other. For a short time after that, you were smiling more often. I'm really sorry to have pushed you guys so hard. I've taken your childhood away."

I laughed bitterly. "It's not your fault Misato. Asuka and I never had happy childhoods to begin with."

I could feel her tense up. "Did she tell you?"

"About her mother?" I finally push away from Misato. "Yes. And that was probably one of my happiest memories with Asuka. I was so glad that she trusted me."

"And when did that happen?" Misato wiped my face with a moist towelette. Just like a mother cleaning up a child.

"When we were in the hospital and I was visiting her." I blushed a bit as I remember that day. I was also happy for another reason.

"I see." Misato smiled. I'm not sure whether she also knows of that other reason I cherish that memory or if she would allow me that secret. "I think you should go back, we've been here so long they may think I've been molesting you or something."

I just grin at her. I think it's prudent not to tell her the rumors going around the school about her and me. I suddenly notice the wet patch on her shoulder. "I'm sorry Misato!"

"Don't worry about it," she replied as she took out her hairpins and shook out her hair so that her shoulders were veiled. "Now, it looks even more suspicious."

We both laughed at that.

"Shinji, I'm not going to force my hopes on you. I just want you to be happy." Misato said as she took my hand.

"I'll try."

I guess I did try to be happy. We were just talking, Ken-kun and Kurumi-san driving the conversation with their one-upmanship. It reminds me of the first time that I've felt like this, a long, long time ago. Misato just got promoted, Asuka just joined our little family, and Ken-kun decided it was enough of a reason for a party. It was my first party, the first time I was surrounded by friends, the first time I was comfortable with the noise of people living. Misato, Asuka, Ken-kun, Ritsuko-san, Horaki-iincho, Kaji-san, Toji…

The conversation at the table stopped and everyone was looking at me.

"W-what!" I was shocked to hear my voice crack. Without knowing it, I had almost started crying. The girls and I were a bit embarrassed at the show of weakness. Ken-kun took some tissues from the tissue holder and handed it to me without a word, his face blank except for the flicker of concern behind his glasses. Kurumi-san frowned.

"Konbanwa."

I look up as I heard the familiar voice that came out of the speakers, my heart skipped a beat.

She stood on the platform. Her red mane falling down her shoulders. The black sweater and white slacks hugging her slim body. The lights sparkled off her mirrored glasses and yet I knew she was looking at me. I felt a spike of excitement.

And then my Angel sang.

000

We've moved to the park to enjoy Flower Watching the old way. I was a bit surprised that Ken-kun was the one who suggested it. It was only when we got here that I understood why he was so insistent.

"S-sempai…"

I looked at Keiko-san who sat beside me on the park bench, "Yes?"

"What are you thinking?" she asked, her eyes guarded behind her glasses.

"It's nothing," I reply as I look away towards the moon's reflection on the boat pond. Across the water we could hear Kurumi-san, Kei-san, and Ken-kun screaming and laughing as they chugged around on children's bumper boats to the chagrin of the romantic boaters who thought that all the children should already be asleep by this time. Ken-kun was having a lot of fun.

"I see," she whispered. I couldn't help but tense up when she leaned against me, her head on my shoulder. "I see…" she whispered once more.

We sat there in silence before I had a sinking feeling. I pulled away from her and faced her, my hands on her shoulders. Keiko-san's tears flowed down her pale cheeks, sparkling streams in the moonlight.

"Keiko-san…" I took out my handkerchief and wiped her tears away.

"Stop!" Keiko grabbed my hand, but instead of pushing it away her grip tightened, pressing her cheek against my hand, and fresh tears flowed. "Please stop being so nice."

We sat there, Keiko-san crying softly into the handkerchief in my palm. After a bit she regained her composure and took the handkerchief from me.

"I'll return this after I wash it," she said as she gently dabbed at her eyes. "You should go back."

"What?"

"That girl who sang before you did, she's yours right?"

"What!" I cried out in surprise. Asuka! Mine! Is this girl crazy?

Keiko-san had a sad smile as she looked me in the eye. "I had a feeling that she was yours while I watched you watch her sing. When you stood up to sing right after she did, then I knew. She is yours."

"You've got to be kidding," I mutter as my heart began beating normally again.

"She told me that I can take you if I really want to," Keiko-san sniffled. "I guess she knew that I can't."

"You talked with Asuka?"

Once more that sad smile that was like a dagger in my chest.

For years, I thought I loved Asuka. Despite all the hurt, I've always believed that someday I will be with her as more than a friend.

I looked at Keiko.

Here was a girl who did not ask for anything. Who did not hurt me. Who was concerned about me. Who loved me. Someone who needed me.

On one hand was a cold, unreachable goddess. On the other, a kind, warm hearted woman. Asuka. Keiko. I closed my eyes, lost in between the two polar opposites.

I leaned towards her.

I had to admit that I was surprised when Keiko pushed me away. "Sempai, please go. Before we both regret it."

I could not look at her, the tears once more threatening to flow.

And like the coward that I am, I ran.

Tsu Zu Ku

Ojosama – literally: Lady. Here, Kensuke is inferring that Kumi-chan is a snob.


	8. Suddenly, Rain

**Shin Seiki Evangelion - Seasons**

**Haru**** - Suddenly, Rain**

Neon Genesis Evangelion created by, registered, and copyrighted to GAINAX Project EVA, Movic, and any other company and/or division associated with the creation and/or production of Neon Genesis Evangelion. A.D.Vision holds the copyrights to the English version of Neon Genesis Evangelion. This work of fiction is not intended for any commercial purposes but was created for the entertainment of the Author and Fans of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

No copyright infringement was in any way intended.

Seasons written by Jino Turtlegod

M Rating. For mature readers only. Some scenes, themes, language, and situations are not suitable for younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.

HTML ver 10 APR 08

Ver 1 – 22 APR 08

**Haru**** - Suddenly, Rain**

The world was spinning. I was happy and light hearted. In the zone where the here and now met the world of dreams. I like this. It keeps the pain in my heart at bay.

I'm smashed.

I mean, what the Hell was I expecting?!  I sing. He sings.  We ran to each other and make out like crazy, like some characters from a mushy anime.  I was definitely supposed to expect that he walks away with the other girl. 

But fuck it.  It still hurts.

"Asuka-chan."

I look up at the concerned face framed in short brown hair.

"Lt. Ibuki?"

The woman blinked. I made a mental back-take as I had not seen Lt. Ibuki in years.

"Hanano-chan? What are you doing here?"

The woman nodded as she took the seat beside me, which had miraculously remained empty. How chivalrous of the men not to take advantage of a sleeping girl. Feh! I knew it was Misato and Shigeru-san who probably kept them off of my drunken ass.

"The office party broke up early and the coupon you gave me did say it was good for a free drink," she smiled brightly.

"Heh, knock yourself out," I said. Hopefully I didn't slur my words. "Hey, Shigeru-san, this is Miyazawa Hanano-chan. She's a friend of mine."

I think that's what I said but I'm not so sure.

I do think I heard Hanano-chan and Shigeru-kun cry out in alarm.

But at that point everything went black.

000

I woke up at the soft voice singing.

My muddled brain cannot comprehend the words but I took the rhythmic rise and fall of the voice as singing.

My eyes opened and took in the unfamiliar ceiling and it was all I can do to give thanks that it wasn't spinning. The room is dark, with the faint neon light filtering in through the half-closed blinds. I'm on a couch, I finally realized and by the look of the messy desk on one side, I think I'm in Misato's office.

The singing stopped as I pulled myself off the couch.

I sat up too fast and the world tilted. I closed my eyes, as I was not particularly fond of seeing the carpet rushing at my face.

Strong arms caught me around my waist and yanked me backwards unto the couch. It was the arms around my waist and pressing against my stomach that finally pierced my self-control. I bent over and vented, a strange sense of satisfaction and detachment flowing in my veins as I watched Misato's carpet being ruined. I did have the presence of mind to get my feet out of the way, a part of me deeply grateful to the person who held back my hair.

I started dry-heaving as my stomach finally ran out of things to mess up Misato's carpet with. I gasp as I lay back against the body behind me.

"Stop laughing," I mutter angrily.

"I'm not," Shinji responded. Of course he wasn't laughing but I could sense the amusement in him. I felt his arms go around my waist as he buried his face in my hair.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with your girlfriend?" I could not keep the hurt from coming out as I said that, and I could feel him stiffen behind me as if struck.

I would have missed his answer because he said it so softly. But I was waiting for it.

"I am..."

We stayed there in the dark, our hearts beating rapidly in unison, his breath a warm breeze on the back of my neck. And then we both shifted so that we were face to face, his arms tight around me. We leaned towards each other, seeking comfort... desire... his lips were parted, and his eyes were like deep pools...

The lights came on and Shinji and I closed our eyes in pain.

"You two better not be making out on my couch, I sleep there sometimes," came the purring witch by the door. Misato's timing had always sucked! "OH MY GOD!! MY CARPET!!"

We all looked at the carpet. I felt the heat of embarrassment.

"I'll get the mop," Shinji said as he released me, a sense of emptiness engulfed me as his warm body separated from mine.

"I'll clean up first," I replied suddenly aware of the sour taste in my mouth… Oh f--!! I nearly kissed…

I can see Misato's raised eyebrow, the smirk on her face was something I wanted to slap away. "There's mouthwash in the first drawer," she said as she lazily pointed at her desk. "Now, if you excuse me, I'll be getting back to my guests. And please, if you're going to do something naughty, not here."

"Well, it's nice to get your permission," I said with as much sarcasm as I can muster. The link from Shinji was an interesting mix of indecipherable feelings.

"There're several packs of condoms in there too," she replied with a lecherous grin.

She got me again.

000

She lied of course; I found the mouthwash but not the condoms... not that I was looking for it!

I look at myself in the bathroom mirror as I washed out my mouth; the searing pain of the antiseptic was refreshing as it cleaned out my throat.  I feel so light, and I don't think it's because I had purged my body of alchohol.

"I am..."

I can still hear those whispered words.

 I am surprised that I can look my reflection in the eyes.

"Asuka, are you done?" I heard his voice calling from the office.

I nearly choked as I tried to answer, forgetting the mouthful of antiseptic that I had. In an instant he was inside the bathroom with me and was pounding on my back until I got rid of all the liquid in my lungs.

I hacked some more and then turned to him.

"Don't you know it's not right for a boy to barge into a girl while she's in the bathroom?"

He blinked. "It's not like I haven't seen you naked before."

We stood there for a bit, me with my mouth open in surprise, him with a goofy grin.

"Who are you and what have you done to my Shinji?" I asked with some amazement. Witty rebuttals were not in his usual repertoire. And as far as I can remember he last saw me naked years before and I didn't have my scars then.

He didn't answer and I looked at his eyes which were full of confusion. His lips moved but no sound came out. He finally swallowed and tried once more to speak.

"Did you just say, 'My Shinji'?"

We both stopped as the dreaded confrontation came to a head. I'm still drunk, or else I wouldn't have let that slip. Damn Freud. I'm glad that Misato's bathroom had an old yellow light bulb instead of a bright white one. It helped to hide the flush I knew was on my face.

I yelped like a little girl as his hands held my waist. And then something came up the link I had with him. Something I have not felt in years. He was probing back at me, trying to connect with me.

"You bastard," I said as I leaned my head against his chest. I felt the link connect. It was like having the light turned on in a dimly lit room. Everything suddenly became sharp and clear. I can feel what he felt and I knew he also felt what I did. Our hearts were beating at the same time and they were drums beating a frenetic tune. I let him feel the despair and sadness I felt with my unrequited love. "You were going to leave me."

"It's a two bedroom apartment."

I was drowning. There was a flood of emotions coming in from his end. Fear and anticipation foremost. I was scared.

"We don't have to be lovers," he explained in a stammer. "We can just be as we always were. Just people living together. At least friends." There was a bit of hope there at the end.  He wanted to return to what we had before.  But some things when broken, can never be repaired.

I didn't know how to answer. I wanted to say 'To Hell with being friends!' and to just drown myself in these emotions we were feeling. But I was scared. He is a prince of light. And I'm an evil witch.

I did not give him the words he wanted to hear.

I pushed my head up from his chest and drew him towards me.

I'm an evil witch. And he is a prince of light.

And we kissed.

And after it was done he had a sad look in his eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks. I felt his warm hands brush wetness from my cheeks.

"Ah, it's raining."

That was all he said as he knew I would never cry.

Tsu Zu Ku


	9. Spring's End

**Shin Seiki Evangelion - Seasons**

**Haru**** - Spring's End**

Neon Genesis Evangelion created by, registered, and copyrighted to GAINAX Project EVA, Movic, and any other company and/or division associated with the creation and/or production of Neon Genesis Evangelion. A.D.Vision holds the copyrights to the English version of Neon Genesis Evangelion. This work of fiction is not intended for any commercial purposes but was created for the entertainment of the Author and Fans of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

No copyright infringement was in any way intended.

Seasons written by Jino Turtlegod

M Rating. For mature readers only. Some scenes, themes, language, and situations are not suitable for younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.

HTML ver 10 APR 08

Ver 1 – 02 APR 08

**Haru**** - Spring's End**

I walked into the room without even bothering to call out. I knew I won't get an answer from him. I'm not stupid enough to have been friends with him for years and not know how he is when he's depressed.

And as usual, the reason for that depression had been consistently the same for the past few years.

Her.

I won't say anything bad about her as despite how she is, I know why she's like that. The two of them had suffered things that would have been nothing more than horror stories to most people. They've got scars layered over scars. And not just the physical ones.

He loves her with all his heart.

"Oi." Okay, not the most heart-wrenching greeting one can give to a beloved friend, but hey, we're men. There's a limit to the emotions which we show.

He looks at me from where he is sitting on his bed with his back against the wall and his legs stretched out before him, the earplugs for his outdated SDAT were in his ears. He's wearing his white school undershirt and black slacks as if he had suddenly lost interest while changing into his school uniform.

Thankfully, unlike other people in depression, he doesn't trash his room, get drunk, or forget about his personal hygiene. He just clams up into himself as if he can draw his own existence within and implode into nothingness. I honestly don't think I could put up with a depressed, smelly, dirty drunk.

I pull his computer chair towards me and straddle it backwards, resting my arms along the backrest. Most of his stuff are already packed into boxes for the move to his new apartment near the university.

I don't know why, but somehow I feel a sense of pride that he had more than a dozen boxes to hold his belongings. His past few years of memories in material form. It would have been indescribably sad if everything he owned and treasured could be packed up into a single box.

We sat there not saying a word.

The muted buzz of the thriving city.

The sad ballad coming from the SDAT.

The sound from the TV program Misato was watching in the living room.

And I could swear that I did not imagine hearing the cry of a bamboo seller.

After a bit, he finally took off his earplugs. He knows better than to try to out-wait me. I have an insane amount of patience as I often had to wait for hours in order to take the perfect shot.

"What's up."

It's the same voice I heard the first time I met him. Small. Scared.

All the years that passed, all the strength that he had gathered... lost.

I smile at him as if nothing was wrong.

"Oh, nothing much. You just haven't gone to school for about half a week now and everyone's falling apart for the graduation preparations. Oh, Asakura is trying to cover for you in the school council, but she's starting to get frayed. Why the Hell did you have to take on all those tasks?"

He at least had the decency to look guilty.

"Please tell her I'm sorry."

"No way. You know what they say about the Silent Ones. You go tell her yourself."

His lips moved but no sound came.

"So, can I tell her you'll be back to take the load off of her? Trust me, she'll kiss the ground you walk on. You don't know how many guys are pissed at you for being such a ladies' man."

Still he remains silent.

I would really like to strangle him right now. "So ready for the move?"

All I get is a glare and he pulls his knees up and buries his face into them.

Like a child.

I remember a memory of long ago, sitting by a campfire as I watched him stare moodily into the flames.

I can't stand this.

He's supposed to be the hero, the one all the girls fall for. The strong one.

But then again, the source of his strength had vanished.

I reach out and laid my hand on his head. "You're running away again."

It was something he had made me promise. He didn't want to be weak ever again. And the reason for that was the same reason he had for a lot of things.

Her.

I saw his shoulders tense. And then, slowly, his shoulders relaxed like a spring unwinding.

If I could take his picture now, I would title it, 'Young Man on the Verge of Tears'.

"You can leave now."

I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me. It's better to get out of here now that I've done my job. It's going to be uncomfortable to watch him cry.

Even though he's my best friend, it is one thing that I cannot do for him.

That's Her job.

Where ever she is, I hope that she finds whatever she's looking for.

I wasn't at all surprised to find Misato standing near Shinji's door when I came out. It would have been more surprising if she wasn't. She bowed to me in thanks. I bowed back. No words were exchanged as I doubt that Misato would have wanted Shinji to know that she had been listening at his door. Though there was not much to listen to and I have a nagging feeling that Shinji knew that she was there.

As I step out of the apartment building, I feel something touch my face. I reached up and took the thing from where it was stuck on my cheek.

A sakura petal.

It's the end of Spring.

"Hang in there."

Owari

A.N.

Ah, I looked at the date of publishing... so many memories. Anyway.

That's it. This story is done. Finished. Kaput.

Summer is next. The main reason for starting a new story arc as a different story rather than continuing as a subsequent chapter is because I want to keep my thoughts organized.

Before I release Seasons Summer, I will do a re-edit of all previous chapters.

Ja Ne

22 APR 2008 edit

All Spring chapters are now in HTML format, minor revisions done.

Seasons: Summer should also be up.


End file.
